


I'm Not Ready To Say Goodbye Yet

by kitty_19



Category: markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Depression, ETHAN IS SAD, M/M, MARK IS DEAD IM SAD, Suicide, ethan cant cope with this and tbh neither can i, everyone is sad, sad stuff, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-19 00:11:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19345543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitty_19/pseuds/kitty_19
Summary: the one thing nobody wanted to happen, happened.and they couldnt do a damn thing to make it better.i want to forget but i cant





	I'm Not Ready To Say Goodbye Yet

“Ethan? Are you okay?” 

“Do you want some coffee, bud?” 

“Maybe you should try making some videos to distract yourself.”

_They don’t understand._

“Ethan! Why don’t we go out for the weekend? It’ll take your mind off things and then you’ll probably feel better!” 

_They don’t know how it feels._

_How it feels for someone you loved_

_To be gone._

“Hey, Ethan! Look at Chica! Look at how cute she is!” 

_Everything reminds me of him._

_I don’t want to think of him anymore._

“You should really do something about your channel. Your fans are getting worried.” 

_Shut up._

“Play a nice, happy game! That’ll cheer you up!”

_Shut up._

“You can help me edit these videos too.” 

_Shut up._

“Ethan, you can’t keep moping around like this. It isn’t good for your health and this isn’t what Mark would want.” 

_SHUT UP!_

_WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT MARK WANTED?_

_IF MARK WANTED ME TO BE HAPPY_

_THEN HE WOULDN’T HAVE KILLED HIMSELF!_

_HE WOULD’VE STAYED ALIVE!_

_STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!_

_I don’t want anyone of you…_

_I don’t need any of you…_

_I just want…_

_Mark…_

“Ethan…we’re just trying to help you.”

“Why won’t you accept it?”

“We’re as hurt as you are. Mark meant something special to all of us too, ya know? It wasn’t only you so stop being selfish and let us help you.” 

_I know._

_I know Mark meant something to everyone._

_I just don’t want to share my grief._

_It’s mine and mine alone._

_Nobody should ever know how much this hurts._

“I can’t believe Mark did this to us.” 

“Look at what he’s done to poor Ethan.”

_No._

_Don’t blame Mark._

_He had no choice._

“I mean, he didn’t have to kill himself.” 

“He could’ve talked to us instead. Damn bastard took the easy way out.” 

_It’s not easy._

“But, I don’t get why he did it.”

_It’s hard to explain._

__

__

_Why you’re so depressed._

_And would want to kill yourself._

_Nobody understands that sort of suffering._

“I just wish Mark had talked to us, to me at least.” 

_He wouldn’t have._

_He disliked talking about his feelings._

_He preferred to keep certain things to himself._

_I hated that about Mark._

“If he had said something, then he’d been alive right now and we wouldn’t – especially Ethan – have been suffering so badly.” 

_But if Mark were alive…_

_He would’ve been suffering right now…_

“I know I shouldn’t be pissed off because he’s dead, but I can’t help it right now.” 

“I know what you mean.”

“It’s sad honestly.” 

_Stop it!_

_Stop trying to make Mark the villain here!_

_You don’t understand!_

_You’ll never understand._

_I hate you all._

_I hate Mark._

_I hate myself._

_UGH._

_I JUST WANT THIS TO STOP._

_I WANT TO CONTROL MYSELF_

_AND_

_STOP_

_THINKING._

_But I can’t…_

_I can never…_

_I WANT TO FORGET._

_But I could never…_

_Never ever_

_Forget about Mark._

_The love of my life_

_Who killed himself._

_He did his best to survive._

_But in the end_

_It was too much for him._

_Just like how it's too much for me._

_I just wish…_

_I could’ve said I love you._

_**//im not ready to say goodbye to you yet//** _

**Author's Note:**

> ahahaha why do i do this to myself  
> xx


End file.
